Maybe it was being home schooled, maybe it was the isolation from a young age, maybe it was the way my parents treated me, maybe it is just the way I am. As long as I can remember I’ve struggled with anxiety and depression, with emotions so tumultuous and powerful I could never stand up to them. Memories like 3 year old me crying, feeling like the world was crumbling around me, and no one could understand why.

Maybe it was the way that as I grew older and was told over and over that my excuses wouldn’t fly with those all-knowing savvy adults who could see right through me. Maybe it was how it made me feel about myself, to be told every word I said was an excuse to try to get out of hard work and dedication.

They say mental illness cannot be attributed to just one factor, it is not just your brain chemistry or the way you were raised; it’s all of the above. I can’t imagine how much worse it must be for those who develop mental illness later on in life. I’m experienced; from the moment I could assess my self to now, every minute has been a battle between my emotions and my logic.

What a devastating blow to take, in your 20’s or 30’s, to be told you are suffering depression. Seeing new depths to the darkness that threatens to completely suck you in, with no experience to fall back on.

How terrifying.