Diligently I keep my eyes shut, half from defiance and half from exhaustion. The darkness encompasses all. The soft bed and warm air sooth, that familiar silence as I become deaf to the world and fall into dream lasts far too short.


Jolt myself awake. It’s okay, small pep talk to myself, keep my eyes shut. Shut out the world. Deep breath.


Tickle on my face, my own hair wakes me up again. I sigh the frustration out as if it will leave my body and perhaps this world.

Roll over.

Try again.

Nononononono, fuck. I shake my legs, wiggle my toes, pop my fingers and wrists, sigh, roll over. Doomed. I know I’m doomed. So tired. So exhausted.

“I’m sorry,” I quietly let out as I realized I have awakened her.

“I just feel bad for you,” she lovingly, gently scratches my head until she herself surrenders to sleep. Sweet creature of my heart. She lends me her own peace.

Roll over.

Try again.

Whispering silence as I am again deafened to the world of waking. Ripped from me by a stabbing pain in my leg. Sigh, scratch it. It does not ease. Pinch my leg. Scratch it deeper. Jam my fingers into my flesh. Stab. Stab. Throb.

Tears fill my eyes instead of dreams, as I am banished from the world of slumber. Left only to my own vices and devices.